Relief

So there it was, the answer to all of my hopes. 

A little blue circle and a new unread e-mail. Just a few days earlier I wrote a quick  one of those myself, offering my support and volunteering my efforts. Now the ball had been tossed back and it looked serious.

 "Be prepared to be called up," was mentioned along with something about disaster relief. That's it, I'm going, I thought. My mind raced in circles and I couldn't get over the fact that such a response was forthcoming. When I had sent my simple e-mail just days before, I had never expected this. Although I sincerely wanted to go help and was truly pledging my actual support, I had completely imagined it would fall upon deaf ears. 

"I just wanted to let you know I got the e-mail and am willing to volunteer," was the tag-line of my overly eager voice message. 

Not expecting to hear anything on the subject for days, I tried to put it out of my mind, but the excitement persisted. Still I pushed it to the back of my mind as best I could and we headed off to the bank.

About half way to the bank the yeaowl of the phone caught my attention. It's that number, I thought anxiously. 

That was too fast. This is serious, I might be gone by Monday, I couldn't help but muse. "Hello....this is," I answered as patiently as I could manage. "Oh, absolutely.. that makes sense," I uttered as the conversation continued and my hopes were dashed against rocks. But, tell me there's a chance, I wished. 

"Like I said, whatever they need I'm willing to volunteer," I finished as I closed up the phone. 

"He said it could take weeks or might not happen at all," I passed on.

"I'm sorry," was the condolence she offered verbally. The hug and sympathetic eyes however meant much more than any words that could be said. We completely see eye to eye on this stuff, we thought.  

Walking back I was a wreck of emotions. Excitement, doubt, anxiety and confusion play for a pretty potent stew and I will be brewing into the foreseen future. Well that or until the phone rings again.